Rantings of an Insomniac

I haven't been able to sleep for a few weeks. At first I thought it was just because Steve was gone and I was nervous about Jack's KKI appointment. Now I don't know what to think. I do know that last night's inability to fall asleep before 11 pm was a direct result of thinking about Jack. He was curled up next to me in Steve and I's bed. He was slowly falling asleep while watching Monsters, Inc and snuggling with Theodore and I got to wondering what his bedtime routine at KKI would be like. If Steve and I aren't there, who's going to give him his bath and make his sudsy mohawk? Who's going to brush his teeth and sing the toothbrush song? Or read his favorite 2 or 3 or 4 or 5 favorite bedtime stories? Or give Theodore goodnight kisses too? How can I be okay with some "stranger" putting my baby to bed?

Although I don't know much about what his schedule will be like just yet it really started to sink in. He's really going to be somewhere other than home for 2 months. I don't know how to feel about that. My heart breaks for him because I know what a long and challenging program he's going into. But I also know that they have amazing results.

And then there's Daphne. How do I say goodbye to her for 5 days a week while I stay with Jack at KKI? I feel like I'm torn between the two of them. I know that Jack will need me more so I'm going to be with his as much as they allow me to be there and probably a bit more. But what about Daph? She's going to be put in daycare so Steve can keep her by himself for 2 months. They'll come out on the weekend. I can't imagine how this is going to affect her too. I guess it just proves that what's going on with Jack doesn't just affect him, it affects the whole family. I think we'll all be changed after this.

But there is one thing that is certain, once Jack has completed the inpatient at KKI, we're taking our babies to Disney World.